dontcha just love these new-agey epithets? Somebody might have mentioned this beforehand. You'd think!!!

Oh yes I did!!!
I travelled across the Atlantic ocean to rejoin "him" and after months of phone calls and emails and... he dumped me.

So after returning from France, I got an acting job with a theatre company. In the break between tours I went to Brasil to pursue my idea of teaching in Rio. There, I met a nice middle aged English bloke at the start of his year's travel ( having been made redundant by Barclays banks financial muck ups.) We had a fling and fell in love. I returned to Europe and we continued our romance using all the new technology. I checked it all out. He wanted the same things as me... ( yup, a relationship!! didnt want kids - thank god as i cant manufacture them)... he wanted me to come and join him!!!! Quote. I can't wait to get to know you more deeply and make our romance a tangible reality - End Quote. (it's on a email somewhere. I have proof)

and when i got here, he couldn't wait... to get rid of me.

I saw his face stiffen as I tottered out of the arrivals lounge in Lima Airport (that's Peru to you).. having slapped makeup on my long haul flight knackered face, wearing my stocking and heels and clutching  two expensive bottles of  champagne that I grabbed from the Paris duty free and nearly missed the flight.

I was terrified of how it would be on our first night after 5 months of anticipation. A mate said: take booze, get drunk. But we didn't have a terribly passionate reunion, not that night or for weeks. And thats how it continued.

Ten months and 5 countries later he walked out on me in Playa del Carmen, Mexico and never contacted me again. I sure can pick 'em.

My mum says if a man isn't married by the time he's forty... there's something wrong with him. Mmm, I wonder what she thinks about me but is too related to say.

I've finally moved on... I packed up my bags and hauled out. This was followed by several consecutive nights of dreams in which I was begging my boss for my job back.
Every dream was accompanied by a sense of humiliation and desperation.

Jeez Louise- I'm more worried than I imagined.

However after that, I had a dream that I was interviewing for a fab job and I got it. So my subconcious must have worked something out in the end.

In fact, I'm so glad to leave the town, i no longer see her as a beautiful woman with no conversation but simply a frigid old spinster of a town. It certainly seemed determined to turn me into one.

I went to see a friend in Montpellier. A town that I have always felt good in. I got another wonderful Covoiturage lift there and the thing that struck me were posters of music concerts everywhere. I realised that this was a rarity to see in Lyon. an indication of the non-groove of the place.

We went tot he Worldwide Festival in Sete. Excellent beach party though the best Dj was RKK- a middle aged fat French bloke who started his turn saying "it isnt about age or beauty- its about the music" and he proved that mny times over. The next day I was hunting him down on the net and then went onto discover DJ Dolores- a very talented Brasilian bloke.

Not enough c*ck to go round.

I read a recent newspaper article about many countries promoting the abortion of female foetuses. There is concern over womens rights ;the increase of female trafficking and prostitution.

But the concern is really over how this impacts on men who later need wives and cant get one.

As a feminist type woman, I am supposed to be outraged. My pragmatic nature is not.

The statistics can be apparently bad as 115 men to 100 women. (who for?) However, this doesn't factor in the gay statistic which according to my gay friends is 1 in 10. Actually, most of my gay friends say it is 4in 10 but thats just their pro-gay viewpoint.

So in a world where approx 10% of men are Gay, is this not just redressing the balance? doesn;t it just give the girls a chance of a proper life? A life with no man, no kids, no family, makes existence an academic exercise.

Once I would have been outraged. Now I just think " hey aborting us before birth?- jeez lousise -they are doing us a favour".

Do all these female foetus's have to live - just so men can have the choice and make their lives easier?

Other expat women...

Most expat women are usually in a couple and/or with kids. In France I am finding myself as the rare woman on her own. This is hard.


Other expat women admire me...and are as glad as hell they they aren't me.


They do not include you into their home circle . They are happy to go for a drink with you once a year as long as you fit into the slot where hubby isnt around and OH MY GOD- they have to actually spend sone TIME ALONE!!!!! Hit the panic button.

This is the hard part about being that '"independant woman".



In 2011 you would hope that life has changed and they would include "the single woman" , but they dont and wont.

A little devil inside me found myself wanting to shock them out of their smug comfort. Recently, in a girly lunch time chat, I said that I would shag a marrried man.

They froze. Not because they thought their bloke would shag me, but because I was " breaking the sisterhood taboo". Actually I wouldn't. I know myself. But I felt they deserved a little REALITY check about their total selfish attitude.


I am missing London Town for the networks of alternative family that we create. Couples, single parents, gays, singles - we somehow hang in there together.... if its a celebration. Easter/Xmas people are invited , not left out in the cold. I know for sure if I was in a relationship abroad- I would definately be including my single friends on National Holidays...

But generally expats are a straight lot. Their version of family is sooooo last century. Soooo 2.4.

So friggin straight.

More Retro than Thou -A Cup cake rant.

My biggest fear on returning to London is the fear of RETRO.

All my 40 plus hipster friends have returned to classic retro as a default setting. Cos when you're too old for skating/hip hop chic...hmmmm...

I know! 40's and 50's always looks cool and I wont look a fool.

So now, just like in my 20's -- you've still got to have the "look" or you are simply not cooool enough for school.

The last few years -Glastonbury and now London has been filled with oldies sporting this look. It all started with Lost Vagueness going for the pikey/gentleman Jim n Jill thing a few years back. Now it has evolved into Tea Dances, Weekenders, Electro Swing, Secret Tea/Baking clubs/knitting. Aaaagh its endless and frankly CONFORMIST.

...and dont forget The Inevitable CUP CAKE BRIGADE. Middle class girls doing their conservative W.I look hoping that some bloke might finally realise that they are marriage material afterall and forget they were doing lines of coke/K/e in a field somewhere years before.

...and Cup Cakes are rubbish.

Leche bots! Licking Debbie Harry's boots

Ugh, Kirsty Young should know better. She was horribly sychophantic towards Debbie Harry on Desert Island Discs. How many times did she say she dreamed of being her and go on about her looks?

I found the whole interview a wasted oportunity....she basically let DH get away with implying that she was part of a generation of women who rejected the whole " feminine" image. In fact, at the time, most punk girls felt that as much as we loved Blondie's music, DH/Blondie got noticed BECAUSE of her looks... and Kirsty didn't challenge that once and banged on about her beauty.

Kirsty's going off as an interesting interviewer, as did Sue Lawley who also was too sycophantic and ultimately this makes a mediocre and conciilatory interview. It ends up that the interviewee doesn't get pushed to reveal something personal and thats booooooring!

In fact she should have asked "How hard is it to go onstage in your 60's knowing your audience are expecting your former beauty and agility or watching to see if you've lost it " And if she denies that she cares about this, then ask her why she has resorted to botox and a face lift? It's not very punk after all!

Doubts

I awoke a 5am with the nagging doubt that I should have joined a SAMBA group . derrrrrr!!! I might have made friends . Oh silly, silly me.!!!!!

I keep thinking I should have tried harder and smarter. If I had only got a bloke here... Im so disappointed to have to come back to a non socialist country. I lived through Thatcherism- I dont have the strength to live through Cameronism

A promise to myself to join one again back in UK. London School of Samba perhaps , because cos I know my matedom has thinned considerably in London in two years and as I'm thinking of the doing the Brazilian thing...